What If You Just Won Without Their Help?

The most dangerous lie we tell ourselves isn't "I can't do it." It's "I can do it... if only I had what they have."

In 15 seconds, I was transported from the back of an Uber headed to the airport to my kitchen table a decade prior. The speaker sitting next to me was lamenting that if they just could get a bureau like ‘so-in-so’ they could finally build traction.

He was telling me about his early career struggles and how just one bureau representing him or one famous influencer reposting him online could be the big break to make it all work. He believed that the only thing missing was just someone else stepping in.

I smiled as his frustrations took me back to ones I’d secretly had with myself over a decade prior.

I remember back in the early years of Compete Every Day seeing other entrepreneurs raise capital and partner with investors, wishing I could do the same. My struggles were evident at expo events where larger companies would create elaborate booth setups, complete with rigging, lights, and banners…

…and it would be me, my 10x10 pop-up canopy tent and racks I’d put together to showcase merch. I met with a few people (turned down an outrageously terrible offer of 50% for limited capital), and just resigned myself that I’d have to go without. It was frustrating at times, because I knew I could do more if I just had more cash.

Looking back, I’m glad I didn’t because I overspent what I had early on to scale and there’s no telling it could’ve been worse if I’d had bigger checks to cash instead of what I did do to bootstrap.

Years later, when I started my speaking career, like a lot of newer speakers, I thought, ‘Man, if I could just have a bureau represent me like ‘so-in-so’ I could get more gigs.’

I knew absolutely nothing about the business, how it worked and how to market it myself - I just felt I could deliver value on stage and if only someone else could get me booked, I could build a business. I eventually realized that bureaus don’t want you if you don’t have business (duh, Jake!), and if it was going to be meant to be, it was up to me. I hired coaches, dove into learning sales systems, and start building it without having a bureau represent me.

(In fact, I was four years into my career before ever working with a bureau - and it only came about because the client was a Compete Every Day customer who specifically requested me.)

I wasted too much time hoping someone would step in and “save” me. I thought if only I had a bureau like the other speakers, I’d finally get booked at the right events. If only I had the platform of someone more established, my business would grow. If only I had access to outside funding, I could scale at a faster pace. I looked at what others had and convinced myself that the ‘tipping point’ of success I was missing wasn’t possible without those same advantages.

But here’s the hard truth I eventually had to face: waiting for someone else to open a door is the slowest way to move forward. 

I had to change my mindset from ‘when will they come’ to ‘if it’s meant to be, it’s up to ME.’ No one was coming. If I wanted a change, I would need to make it. 

If I wanted to build an eight-figure speaking business, I had to figure out how to do it without a bureau solely representing me. If I wanted to grow, I had to stop waiting for help and start proving I could win without it.

That single mindset shift changed everything. And it can change everything for you too.

Many of us have spent years convincing ourselves that we’re one magical moment away from success. One bureau away from the speaking career we want. One investor away from being able to go full-time in our startup. One date from the ‘perfect’ relationship.

One lucky break away from changing our life.

But here's the uncomfortable truth nobody wants to face: You're not waiting for the right opportunity. You're waiting for permission to win.

The Science Behind Why We Wait

Maybe you’ve felt it, too. That secret wish for a big break. The hope that someone will notice your potential and give you the platform, investment, or opportunity you’ve been working toward. 

On the surface, it sounds logical - who wouldn’t want a shortcut? But waiting for help is often just disguised fear.

Research from Psychology Today reveals that learned helplessness occurs when people continuously face challenges and "stop trying to change their circumstances, even when they have the ability to do so." We start to believe that outside forces (luck, connections, other people) actually determine our success or failure, adopting a mindset called an ‘external locus of control.’

It’s easier to believe success depends on something out of our hands than to face the uncomfortable reality that it rests squarely on us. 

Think about it like this: You're a boxer who's been knocked down a few rounds. Instead of getting back up and adjusting your strategy, you start believing you need better gloves, a different trainer, or a lucky punch to win. Meanwhile, your opponent is just showing up and throwing consistent jabs.

Studies from the Association for Psychological Science show that procrastination isn't just about poor time management - it's "a complicated failure of self-regulation" where people delay important tasks despite knowing they'll suffer as a result. According to the Harvard Business Review, over 70% of entrepreneurs cite fear of failure as a barrier at some point in their journey. 

And when that fear combines with the seductive idea of a “lucky break,” it’s easy to get stuck waiting for the ‘perfect’ conditions instead of taking imperfect action now.

But what if perfect conditions never come?

The Real Competition Is in the Mirror

Here's what changed everything for me: I stopped asking "What if I had their advantages?" and started asking "What if I just won without them?"

What if you lost the weight without a fancy gym membership that’s currently unaffordable?

What if you grew your client base without having a 100,000 social media followers?

What if you proved you could win with every call going against you?

This isn’t about refusing help. Partnerships, opportunities, and lucky breaks are incredible - if you’re ready to capitalize on them. But too many Competitors never get to that point, because they spend all their energy waiting for help instead of building the habits, momentum, and systems that actually create success.

But here's a fun plot twist: Some people are immune to this helpless thinking. About 10% of people, according to research, simply refuse to accept they can't control their outcomes.

What if you decided to join that 10%?

The "Do It Without Them" Framework

Every day, I see leaders waiting for external validation or circumstances instead of building their wins with what they have right now. Time to flip the script.

1. Define Your Game Clearly

Most leaders drift because they’re not clear on what winning actually looks like for them. They chase the appearance of success - more followers, a flashy office, or outside funding - without knowing if those things actually align with their real goals.

Get specific about what your scoreboard is. Is it revenue growth? Client retention? Personal freedom? Write it down. When you define your game, you stop wasting energy comparing yourself to people playing a different one.

2. Play the Hand You’ve Got

Instead of wishing you had more resources, start maximizing the ones already in your hands. Don’t have a big budget? Focus on creativity and sweat equity. Don’t have a massive network? Start building one by consistently adding value to the people around you. Don’t have decades of experience? Make up for it by learning faster and taking more reps than anyone else. 

The best Competitors don’t whine about the cards they were dealt - they figure out how to win with them.

3. Stack Small Wins Relentlessly

Momentum isn’t built on one lucky break. It’s built on daily, deliberate action. That extra sales call you make today. The piece of content you publish, even though it’s not perfect. The uncomfortable conversation with a prospect you’ve been putting off. Small actions stack into big results over time.

Research on the “progress principle” shows that consistent small wins are one of the most powerful motivators for entrepreneurs. Don’t underestimate the compound effect of refusing to coast today.

4. Make Your Disadvantages Your Edge

What if your lack of funding forces you to be more creative? What if not having a bureau means you build stronger direct relationships? What if your "disadvantages" are actually forcing you to develop skills your competition doesn't have?

I shared in my first book, Compete Every Day, that journalist and author Malcolm Gladwell made the case that some of the NFL’s best quarterbacks were driven by a ‘theory of compensation.’ Tom Brady and Joe Montana for example, were later draft picks, passed over for more physically talented players. These two quarterbacks, born without the elite physical skills of their peers, had to work harder and be hungrier, thus making them better. 

Their compensation for their physical disadvantages actually made them great.

Try this: Identify one "disadvantage" you have and brainstorm how it could actually make you stronger, scrappier, or more innovative.

5. Eliminate the "If Only" Excuse

"If only I had their network..." "If only I had their funding..." "If only I had their platform..." These phrases are creativity killers. They keep you stuck in victim mode instead of Competitor mode.

Try this: Every time you catch yourself saying "if only," immediately follow it with "but I can still..." and list three actions you can take right now.

This isn't about rejecting help when it comes. It's about refusing to use the absence of help as an excuse to delay your success.

Think of it like training for a marathon. You don't wait for the perfect weather, perfect shoes, or perfect training partner. You lace up whatever shoes you have and start running. The conditions will never be perfect, but your commitment to compete every day can be.

Your Next Move

Right now, there's something you've been putting off because you're waiting for better conditions, more resources, or the right connection.

What if you just did it anyway?

What if you built the business without the investor?

What if you grew your pipeline without the brand clout of your competitor?

What if you proved you could win the game with every call going against you?

Waiting for help is easy - it lets you off the hook. It allows you to believe the reason you’re not winning is because you don’t have the advantages someone else does. But real Competitors don’t wait. They prove.

So stop waiting for the lucky break. Stop waiting for someone to notice your potential. Stop waiting for help. Decide to win without it.

Let your competition wait for their big break, while you create yours.

Because once you prove you can win without their help, you’ll be unstoppable when help finally does arrive.

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Jake Thompson is a keynote speaker on competitive mindset who works with sales-led organizations, construction teams, and associations to build high-performance cultures that compete every day through the C.O.M.P.E.T.E. Framework®, inspiring keynote programs, and practical systems that turn inconsistent results into sustained excellence.