How to Rewrite the Narratives That Are Sabotaging Your Success

I was sitting at the bar the night before my keynote, talking with my client and a few attendees from the conference.

Then one of the members, someone really well known in the industry, with tons of success under his belt, started asking me questions.

Where did I work before speaking? What was my background in this specific industry? Had I done the on-the-job, on-the-field work in this space?

I could tell where his questions were heading.

Despite being a speaker in this industry for years, despite working with teams all over the country, despite having a proven track record in leadership development and training - I still don't have some of the direct field experience in that specific space.

And I could feel him angling at whether I had the credibility to deliver on stage the next day.

So I casually made a comment to my client, who was standing there with us, about him doubting whether I belonged there.

He laughed. "I never actually said that. I never used those words."

"You're right," I said. "In my experience, that line of questioning has led to this."

He paused. Then smiled. "That's the story you're telling yourself."

And he was right.

The Stories We Don't Know We're Telling

Here's what's funny about limiting beliefs: Most of the time, we don't even know we have them.

We don't realize we're shortchanging ourselves. We don't see that we're operating from a narrative that's holding us back.

Psychologists have found that people don't just form attitudes about themselves that they can tell you about when asked - they also have unconscious positive or negative beliefs about themselves that influence their thoughts and behaviors.

What is especially interesting is that it is possible to present a positive self-concept while ignoring or not recognizing the influence of negative unconscious beliefs.

That night at the bar, I caught myself mid-story.

I was writing a narrative about this guy doubting me before he'd even said anything close to that. I was creating a defensive posture based on my own insecurities, not his actual words.

The story I was telling myself? "People with more field experience will always question whether you belong."

And you know what happens when you tell yourself that story? You show up defensive. Guarded. Ready to prove yourself instead of just being yourself.

You can't change a story you don't know you're telling.

That's why building the habit of asking yourself questions is so important. Journaling helps. Reflection helps. Having someone call you out at a bar helps.

The questions I should have been asking myself:

• Is that what he actually said, or is that the story I'm telling?

• Where did this belief come from?

• Is this belief serving me, or is it holding me back?

• What would change if I chose to tell a different story?

It's creating reflection that could let us reframe our perspective - just like a phrase has been all over social media lately: "What a privilege it is..."

What a privilege it is to be sore from training.

What a privilege it is to sit in TSA and deal with it—because it means you get to travel and do the work you love.

What a privilege it is to have difficult conversations, because it means people trust you enough to have them.

Same situation. Different story.

If you modify your beliefs, you create a real change in your brain. It enables you to implement the knowledge that you can't always control what happens to you, but you can certainly control how you react to different situations.

That night at the bar, I could have told myself a different story:

"This guy is asking questions because he cares about the audience and wants to make sure they get value. He's doing his job. And I have a proven track record—I belong here."

Same questions from him. Completely different narrative from me.

A Reframe That Actually Works

Here are some limiting beliefs I've caught myself telling over the years, and the reframes that changed everything:

Old story: "People with more experience will always question my credibility."

New story: "Different experiences create different perspectives. My unique background is exactly why some clients choose to work with me."

Old story: "I don't have enough [credentials/experience/success] yet."

New story: "I have exactly what I need for where I am today. And I'm building what I need for tomorrow."

Old story: "Everyone you meet is judging whether you belong."

New story: "Everyone you meet has something to teach you. And most people are too focused on their own insecurities to spend time judging yours."

Scientists have discovered neuroplasticity (our brains' ability to change and adapt in response to new experiences and learning) and how it can play a crucial role in shaping our beliefs and attitudes. Through practicing new ways of thinking and behaving, we can create new neural pathways in our brains to rewire our self-limiting beliefs.

If you want 2026 to be different, you need to be mindful of the stories you're telling yourself.

Not the ones you know you're telling.

The ones you don't even realize are running in the background.

The ones that show up as:

• "I'm not ready yet."

• "People like me don't do things like that."

• "I don't have what it takes."

• "They're going to find out I don't belong."

While these beliefs can have a strong effect on thoughts and behavior, they are often not an accurate reflection of what is going on around us. Fortunately, any beliefs and attitudes are not permanent. We can choose to change the messages played out in our heads, using tried and tested techniques for challenging and reframing them.

So here's your challenge for January: Keep a thought journal this week.

Write down the stories you catch yourself telling. The narratives that run automatically.

The beliefs you didn't realize you were operating from.

Then ask yourself:

• Is this actually true, or is this the story I'm telling?

• Where did this belief come from?

• Is this belief helping me or holding me back?

• What story could I tell instead that would serve me better?

By coming to realize that there are always multiple perspectives to any situation or circumstance, we learn how to change our perspective, to discover the best way to view a situation so that it brings out one's best possible self.

That guy at the bar? He wasn't doubting me.

He was doing his due diligence for an audience he cared about. He was being thorough. And by the end of our conversation, he was one of my biggest advocates in the room the next day.

But I almost missed that because I was too busy defending myself against a story I made up.

Don't let limiting beliefs you don't even know you have rob you of opportunities, relationships, or growth in 2026.

Challenge the stories. Question the narratives. Reframe the beliefs.

Because the story you tell yourself is the life you'll live.

What story are you going to tell this year? I hope it's a competitive one.