Why Treating Everyone the Same Is Actually Hurting Your Team

Building a high-performance culture starts with understanding this: fair doesn't mean identical.

My wife came home frustrated last week.

One of her team members was struggling with a problem file, and when I asked how she handled it, my wife said, "I did nothing."

Screeeeeech.

"What?" I asked, surprised. She went on to tell me that she's learned with this employee, she can't jump into problem-solving mode like she can with another team member (and like I, as her husband, have been guilty of on more than one occasion 😳).

"I've learned that she doesn't want me to solve it," my wife said. "She just needed to vent and then was ready to tackle the problem."

No solutions. No fixes. And just like that, the employee was good. Reset. Ready to move on.

Here's what hit me: a different person on her team? That approach would've been a disaster. They'd spiral. They need direct feedback, clear next steps, and a push forward, not an open-ended space to vent.

Same level of respect. Completely different approach.

That's leadership.

The Leadership Trap: Confusing Fair with Identical

We've been convinced that "treating everyone the same" is what fairness looks like. It's not. It's lazy. And it could be costing you your best people.

The best coaches don't treat every player identically. They hold everyone to the same standard, but they coach each person based on what motivates them.

The athlete with the highest ceiling gets pushed the hardest. The player who thrives on public praise gets recognized in front of the team. The one who shuts down in the spotlight gets a quiet word after practice.

Fair doesn't mean cookie-cutter. Fair means everyone gets what they need to reach the same high bar you've set.

How to Build a Competitive Mindset Culture Through Individual Leadership

If you want your team to perform, you have to put in the work to get to know them. Not just what they do, but how they operate.

1. Ask the Right Questions

Start with these two questions:

• "What's the best way for me to give you feedback?"

• "How do you prefer to be recognized when you do great work?"

Then shut up. Listen. And actually apply it.

One conversation. One person. This week.

2. Customize Recognition and Accountability

Not everyone wants the spotlight. Some people thrive when you call them out in front of the team. Others will shut down and resent you for it. Learn the difference.

High-performance cultures aren't built on generic praise. They're built on leaders who know how to unlock each person's competitive drive.

3. Set the Standard, Then Meet People Where They Are

Your standard of excellence doesn't change. But the path each person takes to get there will look different. That's not weakness—that's wisdom.

Research backs this up. Gallup's studies on employee engagement show that personalized management and individualized coaching lead to higher trust, better performance, and stronger buy-in. Athletes already know this. The best teams aren't managed on autopilot, they're led with intention.

The Real Definition of Team Leadership

Respect equally, but treat everyone differently.

The standard stays the same. But how you lead each person? That's where the growth happens.

This is harder than generic leadership. It takes time. It takes attention. It takes actually caring about the people you're leading. But that's the job if you want them (and your culture) to rise.

Don't confuse fairness with being bland. You respect everyone. You hold everyone accountable to the same level of excellence. But if you want to win, you learn what makes each person on your team tick, and you manage them accordingly.

Your Leadership Challenge This Week

Pick one person on your team this week. Ask them how they want to receive feedback or recognition. Then do it.

Leadership isn't about making your life easier. It's about making your people better.

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About Jake Thompson

Jake Thompson is a keynote speaker and performance coach who helps organizations build competitive mindset cultures that drive results. Through his proven frameworks and real-world experience, Jake equips leaders to create high-performance teams that compete every day. Learn more about booking Jake for your next event.